parent understanding child's personality and high fiving as they work well together

Best Parenting Tool Secret: Why Knowing Your Child’s Personality is Key

Understanding a child’s personality can feel like a complex, abstract idea. Imagine getting a brand-new iPhone with those factory settings and useful basic apps already in place to get you started. Parenting without knowing your child’s personality would be like using an iPhone with no factory settings or useful apps. Discover why not knowing your child’s personality can lead to challenges in care, communication, and connection. Knowing your child’s personality is the best parenting tool secret to improve your parenting and the relationship you share with your child.

Understanding Your Child’s Personality

Child Personality as Factory Settings

When God knit your child together and sent them here to bless your family, there were already some pretty special features or “apps” in place. And just like that iPhone can take some time to figure out, so can your child! In fact, you may be discovering surprising little hacks and tricks your phone can do for as long as it’s yours! And it will be similar with your child. There will be many “updates”, as different life experiences, circumstances, and relationships shape them along the way.

The History and Study of Personalities

It may be that the idea of personalities in general is new to you. The truth is, they studied personalities clear back in the time of Greek philosophers. Back then, they thought that personalities related to body fluids. Yuck! They attributed personality traits to differences in bile, blood, and phlegm. Thankfully, our understanding of personalities now is much deeper and easier to stomach!

There are over 200 different personality systems that exist today. Each would carry its own defining features, distinctions, or categories. They each use colors, letters, numbers, or just descriptive titles. Likewise, as many systems as there are, you’d likely find just as many differing opinions on which one is best. And that preference, I might add, probably relates to personality too!

The Hidden Power of Personality

This article isn’t seeking to go in depth into personality styles. Instead, this can help you explore how this best secret tool of parenting helps you work with your child. Furthermore, it will improve your care, communication, and connection.

I’m confident that any parent who discovers the hidden power behind personalities will quickly learn the far-reaching benefits of this tool. It impacts the parent-child relationship and can truly transform casual interactions like the one you share with the clerk at a store to the more meaningful relationships and friendships. Honestly, I’ve always felt there would be value in teaching this information in high school, since you can use it in every area of life, career, and relationships.

Understanding Child’s Personality Is Key to Parenting

Unfortunately, you will find those who feel hesitant to delve into this topic, fearing that this “personality stuff” simply labels people and “puts them in a box.” In reality, understanding personalities helps us appreciate the finer aspects of who people are, the differing combinations, similarities, and differences. It’s like looking at a mall directory and finding the “YOU ARE HERE” spot and deciding how to get where you want to go. It helps you understand the journey to get there and what you might encounter along the way. And that’s why I love it! To think that kind of tool exists in parenting is amazing!

Regardless of whether the study of personalities is new to you, or not, I’d love for you to open your heart, eyes, and mind to see how this tool might empower you in your parenting role. You just might be amazed at how it can deepen your connection and transform your relationship with your child. If you have a desire to help your child become all God created them to be, then this will be a crucial tool for you to have and use. So, are you curious to hear how it might help you?

Unveiling the Power of Knowing Your Child’s Personality


Importance of Personalized Parenting

I learned early in parenting that what worked with one child might totally flop with another. What felt like a golden strategy with one child, would be useless with another. It would drive me a little crazy if I got stuck in the confusion of it all. I would begin to doubt myself, my abilities, and sometimes even my relationship with that child. Instead, I learned to identify that this was a personality difference that was emerging.

Finding strategies that are effective in motivating, disciplining, and helping your child grow according to his unique traits and personality is important. Acknowledge and understand that your ability to be effective, connect, and help your child be all he was created to be is greatly increased when you have the right tools to do it. A tailored parenting approach that is geared for your child’s unique traits and needs is just the tool you need. In this way, learning your child’s personality serves as your shortcut to effective, personalized parenting.

Understanding Your Child’s Personality and Purpose

“Every child is a masterpiece, and understanding their personality is like discovering the colors of their canvas.” Vanessa Lapointe

When God blessed you with your child, He knew just what your child needed. How does that feel to know that you were hand-picked by God?! He also knew that your child was just what you needed to grow and become the person He created you to be. None of that happened by accident or surprised Him. This thought, and for some a bit of a mind-set change, may be the most crucial of Christian parenting insights. It can lead you in your journey with a renewed sense of purpose and intention.

Your child was created with a purpose and for a purpose. Recognizing the unique traits that God packaged inside your child, helps you gain a deeper understanding of your child’s perspective and the way they experience the world. By unlocking the secrets of their personality, you discover what makes them tick and how they interpret things. Imagine peering through a window into your child’s inner world, where thoughts and feelings take shape. This newfound knowledge leads you to a different level of connection, communication, and care.

Nurturing Personality Strengths

In addition to recognizing unique traits, you will start to identify some of your child’s personality strengths. Every child possesses special gifts and abilities waiting to grow and mature. This in turn can cause you to question how you might go about nurturing child strengths. When you have a pulse on what comes more natural for your child, or where he excels, you can figure out ways to encourage them in using those traits.

Every child possesses special gifts and abilities waiting to be nurtured. When you as a parent identify and encourage these, it can lead to a more confident and fulfilled child. By understanding your child’s personality, you’ll gain valuable insights into those skills, perspectives, and traits that drive them. For example, you may start to see strong leadership skills, careful attention to detail, staying calm under pressure, or being confident when center stage.

Identifying Personality Struggles for Growth

Likewise, you’ll probably begin to see other trends emerge that indicate their potential struggles. These are places where they may need you to help or address things that trip them up. You might begin to notice things like those strengths mentioned above but taken to an extreme. In this case, it might be a tendency to be bossy, a critical attitude, being unmotivated, or seeking attention in unhealthy ways to be noticed. These are just a few examples of traits that can become problematic.

No journey is without challenges, and parenting is no exception. By recognizing potential struggles unique to your child’s personality, you can provide targeted support and guidance. Understanding their personality can lead to more effective strategies for overcoming obstacles.

“Understanding your child’s personality empowers you to nurture their strengths and guide them through challenges.” Elizabeth Pantley

Having an idea of what your child’s potential struggles might be alerts you to behaviors while they are smaller and more manageable. This can help in supporting child growth and reshaping behaviors before they become an unhealthy habit.

I believe this falls in line with the Christian parenting guidance we find in the Bible, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 Awareness of your child’s personality can help manage your expectations as a parent, ensuring they are realistic and adaptable to their individual traits. This is what helps us create a nurturing family environment.

Enhancing Communication and Connection

Recognizing Emotional Needs

Not only do we start to see some natural strengths and struggles emerge, but we also start to notice the emotional needs that a child possesses. Children communicate through emotions, and understanding these cues is key to being an effective parent. By delving into your child’s personality, you gain insights into their emotional needs, motivators, actions, and behaviors.

Recognizing what triggers their emotions and how they respond to various situations can lead to more empathetic and responsive parenting. When you connect on an emotional level, you create a safe space for them to express themselves openly and honestly.

Believe it or not, emotional needs are one of the key areas affecting a child’s behavior. Why is that? Because children often use behaviors to express a need or get a need met. It may be due to lacking the vocabulary to ask, the insight to know what is needed, or the confidence or courage it takes to ask. That may sound a little crazy. And as one dad in the Calm Connection Parent Program pointed out, “It’s easier to embrace their need for food, clothes, and shelter, but emotions? That’s hard for me!” Is it legit? And I answer with a resounding yes!

“When we meet our child where they are, based on their personality, we create a foundation of trust and connection.” Janet Lansbury

The emotional needs of one child, may not even interest another. For example, a child may have the emotional need for space and silence while another longs for approval and attention. A child may long to have some control while another would much rather feel a lack of stress, peace or quiet. Knowing your child’s personality helps you discover your child’s emotional needs as well as how these affect their emotions, motivations, actions, and behaviors. And this is what leads to genuine empathy and connection.

Effective Communication Strategies

Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. Parent-child interactions and connection are no exception. Knowing your child’s personality enables you to tailor your communication style to one that resonates with them. Knowing personalities can even help you tailor both verbal and nonverbal communication to the best style for your child to hear and understand.

One child may like the physical touch and close proximity while another would withdraw and pull away from such. One child may function best with clear and detailed explanations, while another simply wants you to cut to the chase and keep it simple.

“Understanding your child’s personality is like deciphering a love language that opens the door to effective communication.” Florence Littauer

Using a form of communication with your child that isn’t a good fit for their personality isn’t necessarily wrong, it will probably just prove to be ineffective and challenge your ability to connect. As a result, there may be strain and stress building between you and your child and causing an emotional distancing. By adjusting your approach, you can foster a deeper connection and ensure that your messages are received and understood with greater ease.

You’d be pleasantly surprised at how using a communication style that fits your child’s personality can totally change the course of conversation, discipline, teaching, and even communicating love. Are you beginning to see why this is one of my favorite Christian parenting tips.

Parenting Expectations and Stress Reduction

Understanding your child’s personality can help you anticipate how they might react in different situations, reducing anxiety and stress for both the child and the parent. Meanwhile, it also helps you realize if what you are expecting is realistic for what comes more natural for their personality. And when you have a built-in guide or measuring stick for your parental expectations, you can avoid counting on things that really aren’t probable or possible.

In addition, awareness of your child’s personality can help you approach conflicts, as well as discipline, with empathy and understanding, leading to more productive and less confrontational resolutions.

Obviously, less confrontation and feeling more productive in your approach will decrease the stress and anxiety you may feel in parenting, and especially in times of conflict or high emotion. This allows you to utilize strategies that can be more constructive. And ultimately, you are more effective in training and guiding your child’s heart through discipline.

Nurturing Confidence, Independence, and Resilience

By recognizing your child’s personality traits, you can provide situations and options that align with their interests and abilities. This gives the perfect opportunity to build their confidence and self-esteem. Drawing on your child’s strengths, you can help set them up for success.

Helping them understand things that tend to be struggles provides the chance to anticipate and grow in those things that don’t come so easily, working to develop the skill or ability through practice.

“By connecting with a child’s personality, we can pave the way for emotional growth and resilience.” Mona Delahooke

You will quickly notice different personalities have varying levels of independence. Knowing your child’s personality can guide you in supporting their need for autonomy while still providing guidance and boundaries. It will help you realize those ways your child may need encouraged in independence as well as learn to work better while accepting others input and direction.

Enhancing Parent-Child Connection

Undoubtedly, you are beginning to see how understanding your child’s personality helps foster a deeper emotional connection. When you have a basic understanding of how they see the world and function naturally within it, you begin to see life through their eyes. You begin to imagine how they might feel and respond in certain situations.

“Making someone feel seen, heard, and understood is the loudest way to love them.” –unknown

The parent-child bond is a powerful force that undeniably shapes your child’s emotional well-being and development. When you take the time to truly understand your child’s personality, you demonstrate your love and commitment to their happiness and growth.

Deepening your connection involves active listening, empathy, and a willingness to see the world from their perspective. This becomes so much easier when you can use the short cut of personalities and have a basic structure for what makes your child tick.

Personality–Embracing Similarities and Appreciating Differences

Leveraging Similarities for Family Teamwork

Learning about personalities is kind of like putting on a pair of colored glasses and seeing the world through those lenses. And oddly enough you’ll begin to see personalities at work all around you. Things start making sense. And you’ll probably find it comical as you imagine the personality of each person you deal with.

Naturally, as you start seeing life through this lens, you will begin to see similarities with your child. There will be areas of their thinking, reasoning, communicating, relating, and problem solving that just click…it makes sense!

Take note of the similarities. This helps in leveraging child similarities to help you connect, enhance teamwork, and even gain a little momentum. When you feel a relational struggle between you and your child, remember those areas of similarity and draw on your collective strengths. Acknowledge these areas to your child, so they too can begin to see things you share in common and understand about the other.

Appreciating Personality Differences

Likewise, as you begin observing personalities, there will still be some areas you just don’t “get.” These are likely those areas of personality that you are different, or even opposite. And while it can be challenging to understand or navigate, it really doesn’t have to be a negative thing.

If you and your child bring differing qualities to the table, you can remind yourself that you’ll have the bases covered. What’s easy for him may be a challenge for you and vice versa. Your child’s unique and differing traits don’t have to be a frustration between you.

Embrace your child’s differences and uniqueness with open arms and a loving heart. Every child is a beautiful blend of characteristics and quirks. Accepting their individuality strengthens your emotional connection. Furthermore, when you show not just acceptance, but appreciation for their distinct traits, you help them feel valued and cherished for who they are. This appreciation nurtures a sense of security and belonging, and it will strengthen the parent-child bond based on mutual respect and love.

Child Behavior Insights and Personality

Lastly, knowing and understanding personalities helps you distinguish if what you are seeing or dealing with falls within the realm of personality traits or something else. When parents approach me, they often say something like, “I kind of wonder if something is going on with my child. How would I know if it was something I need to worry about or see somebody about?”

The very first thing I ask them to do is just tell me about their child so I can begin distinguishing personality and behavior. I listen for key words that indicate something very crucial…I listen to pick up on personality cues!

“A child whose behavior pushes you away is a child who needs connection before anything else.” Kelly Bartlett

If they are talking about a child who is bossy and difficult to discipline, I might be listening for personality traits that fit with a more dominant and controlling personality. If they are talking about a child who is fearful and anxious, I might be listening to see if other personality traits include a detail oriented or cautious personality. If the issues they explained fit the personality descriptions they used, I would offer them some ideas based on how to be effective with particular personality styles.

And of course, I’d encourage them to dig deeper into learning their child’s personality. If they were a mismatch for the personality described, we might explore some other options that might relate to sensory processing or mental health. Understandably, the personality piece gives us a great starting point. (And that’s precisely why we start there in the Calm Connection Program!) Additionally, it gives the foundation for a healthy understanding and connection.

Tailoring Your Parenting Approach

Discovering your child’s personality is the first and best key to figuring out your child’s emotions, struggles, and challenging behaviors. Accessing their personality strengths, you can figure out how to work effectively, and uncovering the emotional needs will arm you with tools to motivate and facilitate change quickly. Undoubtedly, the personality “tool” has been the most effective, crucial key to understanding each of my children and unlocking those ways I can work best with each one. I hope this tool can assist you in your parenting journey. It truly is a life-changing perspective on your child, enabling you to tailor your parenting approach, nurture your family, and keep perspective!







Knowing your child’s personality is one of the best parenting tools, allowing you to:

  • Gain a deeper understanding of their unique wiring, and how they see life
  • Anticipate their strengths and how to help them use those traits well
  • Recognize potential struggles and how to help them grow in those areas
  • Discover their emotional needs and how these affect their motivation, actions, and behaviors
  • Figure out ways to work best with their personality to get a better result
  • Connect at a more meaningful level when you truly understand them
  • Improve communication to fit their personality to be more effective
  • Access areas you are similar when you need to increase teamwork or gain momentum
  • Gain appreciation for those areas you are different
  • Discriminate if behaviors are part of personality tendencies or something more
  • Tailor communication in a way that resonates with your child and proves more effective.
  • Differ discipline approaches with strategies that are more likely to be effective and constructive.
  • Accept your child’s unique personality to enhance the parent-child bond, trust, and connection.
  • Identify strengths and struggles to support skills challenges more effectively.
  • Tailor parenting style to meet their specific needs, promoting a positive and nurturing environment.

Importance of Personalized Parenting for Christian Families

Knowing your child’s personality is indeed a crucial tool in parenting, as it can significantly impact how you understand and respond to your child’s needs and behaviors. Remember that each child is unique, and their personalities evolve a bit over time. Continuously observing, learning, and adapting your parenting approach to match their changing needs can lead to a more fulfilling and rewarding parenting journey.

More than anything, try to keep perspective. Your child was created in a very unique and special way. God gifted your child with traits and strengths that would grow and shape him to fulfill his purpose. God has placed you in a special role, a front row seat, to watching that process take place.

“Parenting becomes a joyful journey when we recognize that our child’s personality is the roadmap to their heart.” Elizabeth Pantley

Likewise, God handpicked YOU as the parent your child would need for those crucial years in developing his character and skills. I encourage you to prayerfully seek God’s guidance as you find that personalized parenting approach.

Are you ready to open your heart, eyes, and mind to see how this tool might empower you in your parenting role. You just might be amazed at how it can deepen your connection and transform your relationship with your child.

If you have a desire to help your child become all God created them to be, then this will be a crucial tool for you to have and use.

mom and her children with a parent coach looking for some parenting tips and parenting advice from a professional who understand child mental health

Christian Parent Coaching

Take your first step to improve your parenting journey with the Calm Connection Program, a faith-based parent coaching program that helps overwhelmed and disheartened Christian parents transform their homes and family dynamics. This is your answer when you want to understand your child’s unique needs, struggles, and personalityBook a call with Jami to see if this program would be a good fit for you and your family!

The program guides you in navigating the complexities of parenting a child who is highly sensitive, intense, or exhibiting difficult behaviors, and helps restore calm and harmony to your family life. You will gain practical tools and strategies to confidently address challenges, foster deeper connections, and inspire positive changes within your family with a tailored parenting approach for your child and his unique needs and wiring.

Needing some guidance in how to understand your child’s personality, needs, struggles? I get it! Parenting can feel like a three-ring circus (I’ve often joked a seven-ring circus…with our seven kids! ;) ) when you don’t understand the intricacies of each child and their unique and wonderful qualities and skills.

Want to try a Personality Quiz? Don’t worry you can’t fail! LOL! Interested in taking a quiz to figure out your personality or your child’s personality! Let’s do it! Try out the Parent Personality Quiz to get some insight into your personality. Then hop on over and do the quick and easy Child Personality Quiz to get a glimpse into what your child’s personality could be. This is a great place to start!

Want to dig a bit deeper in Child Personality? Check out The You Zoo book! Packed full of resources for understanding your child’s personality, strengths, struggles, emotional needs, and even tips on how to figure out your personality! In fact, you will even find tips on how to communicate with different personalities as well as how to motivate and relate if your personality is different than theirs. You won’t want to miss out! You can get your copy on Amazon!

Did you know Parenting With Personality has an APP? It’s true! You can download the app from Apple Store or Google Play. There is a free course on there that you might appreciate as your busy summer draws to a close. Five Days to A Refreshed Mom is just the tool to help you refresh, regroup, and refocus for the year ahead! Check it out today! Also on the app, you will find some quick and easy personality courses, some free printable resources…and those quizzes I mentioned above as well! The app is free, so go check it out today!

Not sure where to start? I get that too! Book a call and I would be happy to help you map your course and find resources best suited for your family’s needs.

With expertise, and wisdom gained from raising seven wonderful children, and a background in counseling, Jami, a dedicated parent coach, speaker, and author, offers valuable insights and practical guidance to empower parents on their unique journeys of raising children. Founder of Parenting With Personality and creator of Calm Connection Parent Coaching Program, she equips parents with the tools and strategies they need to foster a better understanding and meaningful connection with their little ones. As a regularly featured guest on Channel Mom Radio, her relatable stories and humorous anecdotes bring laughter and inspiration to listeners, making parenting an enjoyable and fulfilling adventure. Join Jami on this incredible journey and discover a world where connection, laughter, and growth abound, even in a bustling and busy household. Her writing has been featured with MOPS International,, and Today Parenting.

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